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Uterus Patrol

by Randi Rhodes posted Jul 1 2013 5:23PM

Today Texas legislators are returning for another special session to try and pass a restrictive abortion bill. They’re going to keep at it. Opponents of abortion have all the time in the world—unlike a 15-year old with an unwanted pregnancy.

When asked about Rick Perry’s personal attack on her, filibustering Texas lawmaker Wendy Davis said “what’s offensive to me is that he’s made this very personal to Texans overall.” In Rick Perry’s defense, it’s hard to be in someone’s uterus without it getting a little bit personal. Davis said “He’s awfully fond of talking the talk of small government, but this is big government intrusion.” Hey, everything is bigger in Texas, including the government intrusion.

On Meet the Press, cashed-in former Senator Jim DeMint defended forced ultrasounds by saying women “want the opportunity to get a free ultrasound.” Jim DeMint thinks that women welcome a state-mandated, invasive, and unnecessary medical procedure. Sure, Jim—about as much as you would welcome a complimentary testicle removal. So... something you don’t want will be placed in your vagina—and it’s absolutely free! I have news for Jim DeMint—most women get an offer similar to that any night that they go out.

It turns out that the daughter of George Zimmerman’s lawyer, Don West—the guy who started the trial out with a knock-knock joke—is even less funny than her father. Don West’s daughter posted a picture on Instagram of West and his daughters having ice cream during a trial break, with the caption “We beat stupidity celebration cones.” Better check that—I think stupidity just won. In case you haven’t seen the photo—West’s daughters are full-grown adults. I know from the post you would assume from the post that the daughter who put it up is 9 years old. The Zimmerman defense team confirmed the photo is real and said daughter Molly West is “mortified.” You are mortified when your ex releases a sex tape of you. When you post your own mortifying picture, you’re not mortified—you’re just very stupid.

Temperature records are being broken all over the west. But of course none of this impacts people who don’t believe in climate change—they think the heat is God’s punishment for allowing gay marriage. Watch—as soon as temperatures fall to below 110 degrees, climate change deniers will say that’s proof that global warming is a hoax.

Finally, rightwing nutcase Bryan Fischer is attacking the New Yorker for its cover showing Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie’s reaction to the gay marriage decision. I think Bryan is being Oscar the Grouch. The cover of the New Yorker showed Ernie leaning his head on Bert’s shoulder on the couch as they watched news of the decision on gay marriage. And Bryan Fischer immediately began obsessing about puppet-on-puppet sex. Word to Bryan—Muppets don’t exist from the waist down.

Listen to The Randi Rhodes Show weekdays 6 PM to 8 PM on WWRL 1600.

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Location : Texas
07/01/2013 5:24PM
Uterus Patrol
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