by Randi Rhodes
posted Mar 13 2012 2:54PM
If you’re voting in the Republican primary in Mississippi or Alabama today, I would urge you to make the right choice, but there is no right choice. Of course, if you’re voting in the Republican primary in Mississippi or Alabama today, you’ve already made a few wrong choices somewhere down the line. Also, Hawaii holds its Republican caucuses today. Boy, there’s a jarring juxtaposition! You’re in paradise... and you’re at a Republican caucus. That’s like getting a root canal while you’re sitting in a Jacuzzi.
Well, Mitt Romney did it again. Talking about football on an Alabama radio show, Mitt said “I’ve got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine.” Yeesh. Back when Mitt said that his friends owned NASCAR crews, people used the example of Mitt saying his buddies owned football teams as an absurd “what’s next” premise. Turns out, that really was next. You can’t out-absurd Mitt. I would say “what’s next” now, but I can’t think of anything more ridiculous, and if I could, Mitt would actually say it. There’s one more “rich guy” gaffe for Mitt... and in the Deep South, no less. For shame, Mitt! Go wash your mouth out with cheesy grits.
If you thought Mitt Romney looked ridiculous trying to appeal to regular people, you should see him try to appeal to Southerners. That’s even more of a stretch. He’s trying to appeal to people in mobile homes when he’s got multiple homes. Rick Santorum mocked Mitt Romney for having previously warned about the dangers of carbon dioxide. Santorum actually said “Tell that to a plant – how dangerous carbon dioxide is!” Uh Rick, just because something is good for a plant doesn’t mean it’s good for people. Otherwise, we could eat dirt. One more time, Rick—plants consume carbon dioxide. We consume oxygen. So having more carbon dioxide and less oxygen is not good for us... unless by “us,” you mean hydrangeas.
Chuck Norris has recorded a robo call for Newt Gingrich. The ad’s title is “Chuck Norris doesn’t endorse. He makes reality.” In the call, Chuck talks about gas costing $2.50 a gallon under President Newt Gingrich. If that’s not making your own reality, what is.