Well, now Mitt Romney really has his hands full
— because he just got his ass handed to him. I know one thing—Mitt Romney must be getting nostalgic for the days when his debate opponents were dim-bulbs like Herman Cain, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann.
All night long, Mitt didn’t really show how his foreign policy would substantively differ from President Obama’s. Here’s one important area of difference—even if Mitt were doing the exact same thing, he would totally screw it up. Finding his lack of ideas exposed, Mitt Romney thought he would try to get away with using Obama’s ideas
. This time the shape-shifter tried to assume the shape of his opponent. If this were a science fiction movie about some shape-shifting alien, at least it would have some good plot twists. Why did Mitt’s foreign policy look so much like Obama’s? It’s because his research showed people liked Obama’s foreign policy. So Mitt simply adopted that policy like the chameleon that he is. Mitt’s motto is: “If you can’t beat them, become them.”
President Obama said that Mitt Romney’s policies were “All over the map.” And despite that, Mitt doesn’t seem to know the map too well. At one point, Mitt said that Syria is Iran’s “route to the sea.” Iran and Syria do not touch at any point... and Iran already has a very long coastline. Mitt’s foreign policy advisors need to take him aside and explain to him—“Governor Romney, those blue parts on the map... that represents water.” The Washington Post said
they couldn’t even give the statement a Pinocchio rating “unless we create a category for weird language.” I think I’ve stumbled onto Mitt’s secret—people can’t prove you’re lying if they can’t understand what you’re saying.
Last night’s big Twitter obsession was Obama’s line about “horses and bayonets
.” Horses and Bayonets! That sounds like one of those New Romantic British bands from the 1980’s. I think I once saw them open up for Adam and the Ants. When Mitt said we have fewer ships than in 1917, Obama said “Well governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets.” You see, Mitt—military technology moves forward... unlike your grasp of military affairs. It’s not 1917, Mitt! I know that tonight you wanted to reassure people that you would not lead us into a war, but it seems that the war you were talking about was World War I.
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